I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
