He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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