Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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