dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
