Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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