I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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