You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
