I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
