My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
