So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
