I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
