I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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