He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
