No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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