my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
