I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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