i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
