There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
