i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
