she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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