just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
