I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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