i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
