i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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