We're facebook friends in real life
Quick, to the slutcave!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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