hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
