just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
