So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
