She is in my trunk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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