sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This is my gift to your gina
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
