Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
