wrigley field is MILF paradise
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
