Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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