Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
