Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
