when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He better not be in your backpack
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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