LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I forget how to act sober
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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