I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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