Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
