I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
then he tried to convert me to islam
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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