So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
