For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I AM VODKA MAN
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
