Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
