I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
