M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
