I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
