what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
