frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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