I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
