i don't like sucking hair
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
