I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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