I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
