we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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