"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
