New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
