i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My penis needs a shock collar
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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