I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
