i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
