I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
