i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
