I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize