xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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