it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
