True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
