you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
