We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
