im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
