id be glad to
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
