Cold hands, warm shart.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
