Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
