anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
