Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
