Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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