I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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