wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
