i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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