i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
